Commitment

Commitment
Sorry, no, not about relationship melodrama.. I'm not the type of person who likes to "air their dirty laundry", so to speak. Please, totally not me.

FYI- "There's an app for that!!!" Blogger has an app, who knew! I just put it on my phone the other day. I haven't tried it yet.. or even looked at it at all really, yeah honestly I just happened to notice the unmistakable "B" logo on an apps page. It popped out at me, so I actually did none of the work on this one. If anyone reading.. any one of you three people that read my blog.. have thoughts or experience with this app let me know! I'm interested to try it.. and I don't want to waste my time. ;) I really do hate wasting time. Have I mentioned that I often spend hours of my evening writing in this blog? Hours. I hate wasting time, but time management is so hard for me to understand (but it's obviously worth the time to learn it, especially if you hate wasting time - yes, I realize that).. and it sounds like such a hard thing to do, to "manage" your time.. it sounds like a lot of work!! And I really suck at following through with things.. anyway, it's just a lose/lose for me on the time thing.. mostly I just give up.

My 3 blog readers are like the definition of commitment. And I say 3 because that's the number I came up with when I was thinking about which members of our friends & family would actually have a genuine desire to read this blog. And then I added one for 'crazy internet person'.. (hopefully there's not supposed to be 'an aka my stalker' at the end of that). I didn't let myself think about who would actually have the TIME to read my blog (feel free to use that as an excuse by the way, it's completely true, even if you really just don't want to read it.. who has that kind of time?!?). If I minus the people who don't have the time, then I would have to subtract from the 3, and I'm struggling for air here as it is. So 3 readers.. I'm stickin' to it!

I started this blog for my kids. Not long after that, I realized that there was NO WAY my kids were going to read it. It's way too much reading material for toddlers.. I have enough to do as it is!! Just kidding!! But 10 years from now, when my oldest MIGHT have an interest in reading this blog because he wants to know what Mommy has posted about him on the INTERNET over the past 17 years... sadly enough, he'll never get through it. Because even THAT kind of motivation/desperation won't pull you through it. It's too god damn long!! They'll never read it. That's why I've started the cussing, might as well! And besides, it gives my readers a silly reason to justify skipping some of their blog reading time if obligation has been keeping them here. Cussing is offensive!!! I don't want to feel guilty about that shit. I don't want to be responsible for stealing large chunks of time from someone's life. And no Sebash, there is nothing dreadfully awful that will forever handicap your life in some way in this blog. Don't worry about it.

So yah, my 3 readers..
They aren't obligated to show that they are committed to reading my blog, our blog, whatever.. but I can tell that they do! They don't tell me because they don't want to brag about being such committed people.. or maybe because they will think I'm going to judge them as "crazy" for wanting to keep up on the typically uninteresting commotion of our family.. or perhaps they don't want to say anything for fear that their words will inadvertently affect someone else in the room & then that person will suddenly feel guilty about not reading my blog (I wouldn't be able to keep up with it either, man, it's okay!). And so now the committed people have just unintentionally convinced the family member, that I talk to maybe once a year, that they should feel guilty about not reading my blog. And then the family member that I talk to maybe once a year decides that NOW would be the perfect opportunity to shed this unnecessary guilt from his conscious.. and obviously the best way would be spoken apology in front of the entire room.. because then I have no choice but to openly forgive them. Tricky bastards. And of course now the committed people are feeling guilty about the family member (that I don't even remember the name of half the time) suddenly giving me a huge, negative blow to the heart and forcing me to suck it up in front an entire room full of people.. leaving me with all of this as a memory.. that I will undoubtedly be forced to re-live in random conversations throughout the rest of my life.

And there's always the likeliness of a ripple effect after the first announced apology.. that could be a really shitty day for me.

So if you read my blog don't tell me. If you don't read it don't tell me. Those are the rules, I've just decided.

I apologize if I have just turned this blog into a daily "Me! Me! Me!" rant. I'll still put Judah's med list at the end. ;) Just kidding, I'll still write about family in here, it may just be funny stories, but they'll be here. It's just that I can see a bit more clearly now that my kids wouldn't want me spending hours & hours of my life documenting their life. But writing like this is enjoyable for me.. they'll be much more okay with that. Even if I'm spending hours every night working on something that is just going to end up as a life-time's worth of reading material for plane rides & long waits. They'd still choose this over the documenting, because it makes Mom happy. Airplane reading material that will last you the rest of your life, that would be their positive spin, haha!!