Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Good Mom

Taking care of 3 children all day means struggling to give each enough individual time with you, undivided attention, opportunities to learn, grow, try new things and be challenged. I wish it was easier. They deserve better but unfortunately one person can only do so much. I feel bad about it everyday. I could do more. I could do better. I know they are happy - but they could be even happier if I did more with their day. I'm in complete control of their day. Its huge responsibility. I want to at least feel like I am doing the best I can. Right now I don't feel like that. I don't know that I ever will because you can always do better. You can always improve.

Today I had Sebastian write letters to family members to practice his writing and spelling. After he finished I told him to fold them up. He asked me how and I told him he could fold them however he wanted to. "I want to roll them up and tie ribbons around them like they did in the olden' days!" And so we did just that. That kid will always surprise you. His personality is the best.

Judah seems to be almost fully recovered, although his temp was 100 before bed.

I'm dying to get back to the gym. I wasn't able to go yesterday due to sleep deprivation. Tonight Scott was gaming. So tomorrow I will go & I will feel awesome. :)

Sebastian built train tracks today. He made a long track coming out of the playroom, curving in the hall and careening down a steep hill. He used to build this track often when he and Judah loved watching the Polar Express. At the bottom of the hill the track would hit the wooden floor, otherwise known as the "ice floor", just like the movie when the train goes sliding over the ice. Today all 3 of them were playing on the track, and every now and then they were completely happy and engaged with one another. This was satisfying and relieving to me. It may not have been my doing but in those moments they were learning, loving, sharing, happy and making sweet memories they will cherish. It may not have been my doing but for a minute I felt like a good mom.

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