Wednesday, September 10, 2014


Judah & his aide spent a long time at Orchard Heights Park today. She said he was on the swings for  an hour and a half?!? It's possible that I heard her wrong. ;) Judah didn't really have any interest in talking or looking at me after they got home, until it was time for me to leave tonight.

Sebastian had a rough day at school. Apparently the teacher gives them checkmarks for doing things like answering her questions, being quiet at their table, etc. However, from what he tells me, she takes away checkmarks when they do something like not finishing their work on time (he lost a checkmark for this today). He said she also takes them away if the kids ask too many questions (the reason he didn't ask her questions when he needed help with his work - thus causing him to not finish his work). He prides himself on following rules & being good in school. This is very obviously stressful for him. Every day I pick him up the first subject he talks about is the cafeteria/lunch. Today the first thing out of his mouth was, "I failed my test today. I was a failure today." He was talking about not finishing two of his assignments on time. The more I talked with him about it the more genuinely upset he got - he was trying hard not to cry, but eventually the tears came. And they came throughout the rest of the day - when anything happened that he could possibly get upset over, he got 10 times more upset than usual, crying or on the verge of crying every single time. I'm going to talk to his teacher tomorrow to see about setting up a time to meet with her. We need to know what is going on in class. Rewarding kids with a checkmark when they do something good & then taking it away when they don't succeed at something.. ? It's borderline cruel in my opinion. And then you think about how the entire class is also seeing this checkmark status.. and now self esteem & embarrassment come into play - a whole new set of matters, which is completely unnecessary, not to mention damaging. 29 kids.. how is it decided who is deserving of checkmarks each day.. do they evaluate the progress each child has made each day. The system doesn't sound like it even makes sense!!

Judah had a "conversation" with another little boy at the park today, who was about his age. His aide said it was really cool. She couldn't hear what the other boy was saying to him or what Judah was saying (if anything), but she said the communication happening was obvious from just watching. Situations like that always used to make me so nervous - I was always so scared that he was going to get made fun of. But at some point I really saw that kids are kids, and to be blunt.. they really don't care! They just want to play & have fun. They are all pretty much the same when it comes to that. I've never, ever seen him get made fun of, but I cannot count the number of times or even recall all of the times (there have been so many) that he has played with other kids, that other kids have clearly enjoyed playing with him & vice versa, that other kids have approached him to play, that he has independently joined in on the play, that he has initiated the play & created the game. Kids are just curious & they just want to have fun. At some point that finally set in for me & my nervousness turned to enjoyment & pride. I went through the same with Sebastian.. I was just always afraid he was going to get hurt emotionally in some way. By the time Willow came around I didn't have anything left to be nervous about! Go play!!! ;)

I went to "book night" with friends tonight. There wasn't one mention of the book, which was fine for me because I hadn't read a word of it. The barista made small talk with me while she made my mocha. I told her what I was there for. She asked what the book was. I told her I didn't know. She looked confused when I told her I hadn't read it. She took a few guesses what the book could be & I told her those titles didn't sound familiar. I mentioned that Scott said the book was supposed to be similar to Hunger Games and she knew what it was at that point. I told her that she was correct & that the book cover looked really cool! At that point she let out the laugh that she had probably been holding since our conversation first began.

Anyway, it was nice to see all of the ladies. Sounds like they've all been doing a lot of stuff together. I didn't feel secluded or anything, I enjoyed & engaged in the conversation. I did however find myself trying to shake the realization that kept popping into my head, the realization that their lives are so completely different than mine. We are all moms, we have kids around the same ages, we like coffee, we like to laugh.. but our LIVES really aren't anything alike. So that was hard. I'd be lying if I said I didn't come home & break down a little. But it's just reality.. their lives aren't better than mine and mine isn't better than theirs.. they are just different & they grant us different views & different experiences.. different knowledge & different focuses & directions in life. But I can still sit down with them & talk about rollercoasters & sharks. And my kid who struggles to speak can still play with other kids who can speak just fine. The common ground we do all share is what allows us to enjoy one another - we're all just human beings.

Judah missed fish oil, vitamin b-6 powder, oxy mag, coconut butter, iron-up, 1/2 bethanecol and eye drop

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